Attention Dishonest Scrap Merchants: Advice On How To Steal The Sean Russell Statue

Just how stupid do the National Graves Association think people are?

Not only have they insulted and offended pretty much all of Europe by re-instating the unwanted statue of the Nazis's 'Useful Idiot' Sean Russell in Fairview Park but they expect us to believe the following:

• It's made of Solid Bronze (possible, but would they have the money?)
• It has motion sensors that will set of an alarm if it's moved (unlikely - no wiring)
• It's head has a GPS tracking device so it can be recovered if stolen (utterly ludicrous)

So if you happen to be a financially distressed scrap metal dealer who could do with a large chunk of bronze to melt down make sure you wrap it in Aluminum foil before you nick it. It should weigh about 8.5 times the weight of a person the same height of the statue, so you'll need a crane that can comfortably lift 850kg.

It's very unlikely there is a motion sensor as they'd have had to dig up half of Fairview park to run the electrical lines.

As for the GPS sensor - apparently it's one that works in Solid Bronze. And there's some guy looking at a screen right now to make sure the statue hasn't moved. Yeah, Right!....

If you do happen to find yourself stopped by the Guards while in possession of this statue say that you found it in the park and you were taking it to Dublin Corporation's lost property section. Given that the statue is owned by the National Graves Association but has been carelessly left in a public park handing it in to Lost Property is a perfectly reasonable excuse.